Divorce and the holidays

The holidays seem to always bring the good and bad out of life. One of the things it does is remind me of the "fun" times as it relates to my oldest son and my ex wife. I was previously married for almost 7 years and I have a 10 yr old son from the marriage. I had custody of my son and my ex wife has visitation. She and her new family live in Kansas (her husband is in the military and stationed there), and she and I were not the couple who'd get along after divorce. We are of the ones who frankly didn't like each other at the end and don't particularly care for each other afterwards. There was a lot of really bad stuff the first couple of years after the divorce. I have remarried, and I have a 5 yr old son with my second wife. As I said, she has remarried and has two new sons of her own, plus a step daughter.

So here come the holidays, and this year is her year to have our son for the holidays. I won't lie, it takes away from Christmas for me. My son lives with us and spends 95% of his time with us, but because of this my ex wife gets her time with him. We have split Christmas' the last three years, and I hated not having him Christmas morning. It just freakn blows. I thoroughly enjoy watching his face light up as he heads to the tree to open presents. So now we wait until he comes back on the 28th to celebrate Christmas. But it's just not the same. He has almost gotten over believing in Santa (I think this is the end of it), so I don't get to enjoy the 'Santa" feeling one last time.

We used to go the distance with Christmas. Put out cookies and milk, leave a note for our son in the morning so he thinks that Santa ate everything and left a note. I guess we are at the end of that rope. It is the spirit in our kids that makes Christmas what it is, and with our youngest son being autistic, this is probably it. Next Christmas it just won't be the same, and I for one, will miss it. I consider myself a sentimental fool, and this is one of the last innocent kid moments. I'll miss my son this Christmas, but I'll miss his innocence more. One has memories though.......:)